Am I The Bachola? (Matchmaker)

Well, after my adventures in England I’m back to my normal day to day happenings. Time to get back in gear with work! Not the type of work that I normally do. I’ve got some serious work to do…but this time it is not just at SikhNet.

Many of my friends are in their early to late 20’s, and are single. I know what it is like to be searching for someone special to spend your life with (ie: get married). I remember thinking that it was hopeless, because most of the potential single people I knew were people I grew up with and went to school with. (They knew all the embarrassing times when you were young). My circle of friends is pretty small here and we have a small community so there are not very many choices.

As I started to travel this year to other places like Canada and UK I realized that there were some really cool modern, spiritual, open minded, single Sikhs out there from “punjabi” background. It just opened up the possibilities. Most of my friends are “white” and from a western background, so naturally would want to meet someone with similar background (cultural/spiritual). There is definitely a stereotype of your typical Indian Sikh and their roles in marriage. People and relationships are very different in India and places like US/UK. However….someone who is born and raised in a western country would be very similar, and more compatible.

So… the past few months the idea has been brewing in my mind….. Why not try to help introduce some of my friends to other Sikhs outside of our community?

None of them know what I am planning (though…neither do I…hahaha) but somehow I feel the need to help out. I just want to help introduce some people that I know and meet.

Now the trick is to see if any of them are interested in exploring this. When I was in England me and Ashvinder did some fun video interviews with some of our new friends. I think I’ll try to get some more of my friends here and post them on a page.

Well, let’s see what happens. Stay Tuned!

PS. Do you have ideas of questions that you might ask someone if I were to do a video interview? Stuff like this.

19 Responses to “Am I The Bachola? (Matchmaker)”

  1. Jaspal says:

    Singh, I am not sticking my video up on the Sikh Matrimonial site.


    On a serious note, it is kinda difficult finding a right match, especially if your a practising Sikh. But I have seen that even practising Sikhs have requirements, as to how strict you are..etc. Believe me people do look into that.

    Our Parents do have “hang up”, not all, but some do, about Gorey Sikhs.

    The way I see it, hopefully with our generation we can “mix it up” abit. I have been telling my parents that I want a Gori Sikh, they just look the other way, like parents do. lol.

    Hey I am game.


  2. Coming from a mixed race marriage (i.e. american raised in India and punjabi raised in Singapore) I have a lot to say on this subject!

    A big consideration for a prospective couple which is often overlooked would be on where to live/who to live with (or not).

    My experience is that I moved away from my home country, and my husband and I have had experience living with both his parents and mine at different times, and also living alone with each other. All of them have been learning experiences and big growth for everyone involved.

    Another thing is that although we have both been raised in “Western” cultures sometimes my thoughts are more eastern than his and sometimes his are more western than mine.

    I think being accepted and loved by the families on both sides is really important, and I mean really accepted. Or at least having a really strong and loving community. I’ve experienced that at times people from the Punjabi community here have been open to me on the surface, but then I hear about their judgmental comments later. Of course, the majority of the people have been accepting. My husband Ravi faced the same thing when getting to know my community and fighting the stereotypes they had about Punjabi culture.

    One thing I’ve missed here in Singapore is the sangat in Espanola, but I have grown to love the sangat here too. Everything takes time!

    Anyway, just some of my thoughts. I have lots more where that came from!
    Sat Nam, GJ

  3. isingh says:

    2. What is your Spouse’s and your role in raising a child?

    3. What is your Spouse’s role in the household (Finances? Kitchen? Social bee? bread-winner)?

    4. How would you describe your father’s relationship with your mother? and what parts of it you like and dislike? (little personal but tells a lot about a person and what’s shaped them)

    5. what is your role to your child? what is your spouse’s role to your child? (little getting ahead but hey, some people know exactly what they want)

  4. Gurinder says:

    I thought if we become Khalsa then there is no race, caste, culture….

    I do agree that everyone has a choice about choosing their loved ones but it should not be based up on culture, caste, race if we belong to Khalsa!!

    However NEW Generation of Khalsa will be more open minded because they will contemplate on the words of Guruji not what thier minds think is right. at last, practice REAL KHASLA AS GURU GOBIND SINGH JI WANTED IT TO BE….

  5. isingh says:

    ohh ohh i got another one :)

    1. what is your spouse’s parents role in your married life? (living with them, not living with them…etc…)

    gurinder, those are very idealogical statements. although we strive to be perfect(Khalsa) it is almost impossible to do so. a lot shapes a person especially culture. and to force someone to give it up is unrealistic.

    of course religion should be the culture.

  6. Gurinder says:

    You are right Isingh on this…

    this is a great blog for learning…

  7. Prabhu Singh says:

    I’ll never in my whole life find somebody of the same culture, religion and race as me. Not that I’m looking for it, it just doesn’t exist. Race means nothing to me, as most can tell, I’m an American of European descent.

    My culture is completely Española. I use the colloquial slang all the time, which includes mostly Spanish words, but sometimes some Tewa words as well. I know everybody in town. I know a lot of the legends that have been here for centuries. I know people who are convinced they know where the Spanish buried ‘the’ gold. I know all the local ‘stars’ and politicians. I speak indescriminantly to people doing ‘chiva’ as I do to the people who aren’t. I’m big into lowriding.

    Though I’m also a bit of an American cowboy. I try just about everything, especially if it involves physical activities. I have a big ass truck that I use for every thing (except commuting to work). I do all the work on my cars and my house and my land by myself. I’ve even hauled hay, ridden horses, milked cows and goats, and done every other farm type thing in my life.

    Then the most important thing: I’m a Sikh, and too fanatic for most. I’d rather spend an evening with the sangat than go out. I take a cold shower in the morning, meditate everyday and read all my banis. I love everything that is Sikh and could discuss these and practice these things everyday all the time. I’ve even removed myself from most things that I don’t feel support my goals.

    If it wasn’t for my brother, I’d be the only racially white, culturally hispanic, religiously Sikh person who likes lowriding and loves to sing Gurbani.
    I just need a strong Sikh who is open minded. Culture is important because culture influences my personality and my spare time. There are many aspects of local culture (like Punjabi culture) which are opposite to the Sikh way, and I don’t participate in those at all. I don’t do anything ‘because it’s my culture’ I act consciously about everything.

    I think more than any other people on the planet, Americans are very sensitive to things that are racist or could be perceived as racist. Even the racists are clear on what they are doing. Some cultures encourage stereotypes and pride in race. I don’t get along with these cultures. The most important part about culture is an acceptance of diversity. Most Americans, Canadians, and British are used to seeing diversity and so it is natural that they will get along better with each other.

    I’ve turned Gurumustuk’s blog into a discussion forum, sorry :-)

  8. Hi Prabhu… this is great…thanks for sharing. You know your on my hit list!

  9. Jaspal says:

    Some more questions:

    Does she have a problem with her in-laws? (If so, they can always be deported. muhahaha)

    Roles are important to some people. To me personally, I do all of my stuff on my own, which includes, cooking, cleaning..etc..etc. SO I wouldn’t expect anyone to do it for me.

    Oh she gotta be able to cook a mean paronta. haha

  10. xSHANTIx says:

    i told my family last week ive been following sikhi..and one of the first things they asked (after they accused me of being in a dangerous cult and being brainwashed!) is WHO WILL YOU MARRY? WILL YOU HAVE TO MARRY AN ASIAN? the thought had never crossed my mind and i replied, if im every blessed enough to enter marriage, it will hopefully be to a Sikh…i still cudnt get my head around the whole asian/white thing…..a sikh is a sikh…however i wudnt wish to marry a punjabi who was raised in a sikh household but drank and cut his hair and only showed face at a Gurudwara to protect family pride….i think its important to find someone who is spiritually and emotionallly the same as you with a common goal between souls.

  11. isingh says:

    xshantix, :) XXXXXXXX!!!!

    but i’m begining to dislike the word “punjabi”. at a wedding i heard the following “and we punjabis know how to party like no body else…” and i was like okay i’m never going to call myself punjabi again. not because i dislike “partying” and have fun but because the word punjabi is being used instead of “Sikh”.

    if you’re a Sikh or at the very least consider yourself a Sikh and especially if you’re from the land of our Gurus at least have enough pride to put Sikhi before a gosh darn State!!!

    i don’t know what it is and maybe it’s the grass being greener on the other side(when i look at all of Canada and California) but this area, the north east (US) is just soooooooo frustrating sometimes. i don’t want to raise my kids here.

    sorry, got carried away there(emotions are running high…am watching Oprah (katrina episode) he should be impeached for this!)

    xshantix, i’m sorry for their reaction. everyone reacts differently to change and hopefully that was just a whiplash effect for them and they’ll be fine (with Satguru’s blessing!)

  12. Jaspal says:

    I agree. Big difference between being a Panjabi and a Sikh.

    Even then you have different Sikhs, currently in the run up there are people who call themselves AKJ Sikhs, Taksal Sikhs, Snatan SIkhs, 3HO Sikhs..etc..

    Basic thing is you need to find somebody who shares similar views to you and is essentially a good person through and through.

    Finding a good person is difficult. It can be a good Sikh, Muslim, Hindu, Christian..etc.

    We are all ONE.

  13. nj_singh says:

    GSingh – the word Bachola ( Vich Olla ) Vich means Inbetween and Olla means hide – the job is to hide the bad things of the other person and only portray the good things. This way the approach is positive and leave the rest to the GURU. With his grace everything is fine as long as you are a believer.
    If a person knows everything about the other person/party – then it is hard to make a decision. Because it is very hard to find a perfect person in this imperfect world.
    Prabhu’s comment – I’ll never in my whole life find somebody of the same culture, religion and race as me. Not that I’m looking for it, it just doesn’t exist.
    I like this comment – he is being honest but then if you are that honest he will never get into a relationship.
    Marraige is an essential part of life – my personal experience – after i got married i found out my in-laws are not into Sikhism. I moved away from them and now my wife – who was raised here in USA learned to do PATH and now I am proud to say she beleives in Sikhism.
    Bhul Chuk Maaf – nj_singh

  14. “Basic thing is you need to find somebody who shares similar views to you and is essentially a good person through and through.

    Finding a good person is difficult. It can be a good Sikh, Muslim, Hindu, Christian..etc.

    We are all ONE.”

    The Human race is one, we are all brothers and sisters. However, Sikhs must marry among Sikh people.

    When I say Sikhs, i mean AmritDhari’s people who actually follow Sikhi in their every day lives.

    It wouldnt make sense to marry someone of another religion and not be able to follow aspects of their religion, and you being barred from doing things in their religion. For example, if a Sikh woman married a Muslim Male she wouldnt be able to do certain things at the mosque – and they’d have seperate food as she cannot eat halal.

    What religion would their children follow?

    “So Sikh gur ka janeeay, Monay ann na khai” meaning: such is a Sikh of The Guru who does not eat the food of Monay/Non-Sikhs
    (Sau Sakhee, sakhee #8)

    Guru Sahib says:
    Gursikh di roti beti di saanjh Gursikh naal.
    The Gursikhs have to share food and establish marital relationships with Gursikhs only

    This is the hukam of Guru Sahib and we can’t change it. Unless a person becomes amritdhari, takes khande batte da amrit, he/she is not a gursikh.

    “Dharamshalea, Peer Aur Masand Na Banne
    Rasooea Sikh Rakhe” – Rehitnaama Bhai Chaupa Singh Ji

    This panktee tells us clearly that if we are to have a kitchen mate, s/he HAS TO be a Sikh.

    Sorry if i offended anyone with this post, it was certainly not my intention.


  15. isingh says:

    i was in the subway(tube) this morning and was thinking about what i wrote here.
    (it’s funny that this blog can be such a part of my life.)

    but we were discussing different cultures among sikhs.
    a sikh can have a preference of a culture among sikhs (although we all know that it’s not a perfect thing to do)
    AND we weren’t or at least i wasn’t discussing or hinting putting cultures before sikhi.

    and prabhu, that was a funny post. “big AHH truck”! haa!

    btw, $3.40 for a gallon of gas(regular/87) in the nation’s capital.

  16. manpreet says:

    Dear all,
    sat Nam,

    I am married to a real good, good person, he is a non believer.
    Slowly i turned to sikhism and adopted it deeply. I consider myself a sikh. Will it never be possible to take amrit, when i am ready to make this step? Because my husband will never convert to sikhism.
    He gives me though every freedom to follow my way.

  17. xSHANTIx says:

    manpreet ji….first congrats on finding faith in Sikhism :D noone can tell you if u can or cant take amrit…this is your conscious decision to make ur own spiritual connection to Waheguru…whether ur partner believes or not is obviously match on a soulful level…..but your religious path is your own right. SAT NAM

  18. gmstk singh ji

    mandeep from new york, miss u brother.
    prabhu knows to keep an eye out for me on a good catch. so in other words dont count me out, im open and game.
    btw, miss u

  19. Jaspal says:

    singh sikh singh.

    I know exactly where you are coming from.

    I agree that life will be very straight forward if we were with someone who we can share everything with (except my parontey).

    But I do believe that the separatism that we see amongst religious groups are put there by political people.