One of Those days…

All I can say is that today was one of “those days”, if you know what I mean. Some days go smooth and some days all kinds of things “hit” you during the day. I guess it’s just part of the ups and downs in life.

I have to say one of my biggest challenges is dealing with negativity from people (criticism, slander, anger, hate, misunderstanding), especially related to 3HO/Yogi Bhajan/etc/Yoga/etc. (I think I’m starting to sound like a broken record in posting thoughts like this). My challenge is to be so meditative and non-reactive that the things people say do not effect me and I can respond from a neutral space without reacting. The challenge is harder because the more you get hit with it, the easier it “pushes your button”. It can be like a raw wound. It is so easy to let your emotions take control and react, which only makes things worse and brings you to their level. It can be so time consuming and draining to deal with these things. It’s as if some people try to “feed” themself or their inner pain…by putting people down and judging others.

I have learnt a lot over the years and have definitely worked a lot on myself, but there is always more to improve in oneself.

I’m in a very strange mood tonight because of all the different things that happened today at work and at home. The work stuff is just every day stuff that all happened in one day…so won’t go into that.

I feel a bit hesitant to share some personal things, since this is a very public forum, but for some reason feel the need to express myself.

Tonight was relatively normal evening to start. I picked up my son Narayan and brought him home. We played a bit and then I started to cook some dinner because Arjan was feeling really tired. I am at the stove cooking tofu and vegetables and Narayan comes up to me and says something like “Look papa…My hair doesn’t go up any more it goes down”. I didn’t quite understand what he was saying and just smiled at him. A few minutes later I go in the bed room and he says to me and Arjan, “Look….I cut my hair!”. He was just smiling and didn’t seem to think much of it. When I looked at him I realized the situation. He had taken some scissors and cut off quite a bit of his hair around the front and sides. Me and Arjan tried stay calm and talk to him about why he did that. As soon as he detected that he had done something that he “wasn’t supposed to do”…he got angry and stormed out. After things cooled down a bit I sat down with him to try to explain why we keep our hair and the history of sacrifice that the Sikhs before us made. I am not sure how much he understood, so tried my best to make sure he understood that it was not a small thing to just chop off your hair. I know there was no agenda…he said he just liked to cut things and the hair was in his face. After this there was lots more discussion, thinking and processing for us all.

Narayan SinghOn one level I am totally fine with this and know this is a learning experience for us all. On the other hand it also makes me feel a bit sad. Narayan is not even 5 years old too. It is like there is some emotion that cannot be expressed by me. I feel some deep connection with Gurus and the sacrifices that people made before us. I can’t really explain the emotion.

For some reason I feel sad and like crying. Narayan is such a beautiful child and has such innocence. It is definetely a unique experience being a father and raising a child.

It is an odd feeling seeing a friend or family member that you have known your whole life one day be there with beard/turban…and the next day shaved off and short hair. It’s like they are a totally different person.

God gave us the gift of this Kesh (hair) and it’s good to know that his hair will grow back. It just really caught us by surprise. I wonder if other parents have had similar experiences like this with their children at a young age. More for me and Arjan to think about and process as a result of this experience. I hope that we made an impact on Narayan enough to understand what happened and not take cutting his hair so lightly.

If you are someone local in Espanola reading this, please don’t mention anything to Narayan. I don’t want him feeling self concious of this, since this is a bit private. I probably shouldn’t be posting this up on the blog. I know Arjan will probably be irritated that I did. I just felt that maybe others might have experiences in this area and can share. To me everything in life is an opportunity to learn and work on one’s self. I try not to hide much in my life and show who I am at the surface. It’s just a matter of conciousness as to whether we can learn from the situations or not.

I try to do things from a place of love and understanding and hope that others will do the same. Hopefully with each generation we are improving and not carrying on the issues given to us by our parents. My prayer is that my openness, honesty and vulnerability will allow others to learn WITH me and hopefully help in some way in their own life. It’s not easy putting your life out for the public to see.

Ok…enough said for tonight. Wrists are hurting so much get off the computer.