Thoughts on Marriage

Life is like a nest which must be built straw by straw.
Its composition should be according to requirements, its coziness should be to the standard of delicacy of softness, its place and height should be to the standard of safety, and it must be protected by the will of Infinity. Don’t count the deficiencies and demerits of your comrade or partner of life. Remember the merits and add as many as you can. Count your graces, your blessings and worry not for tomorrow.

What is an ideal marriage? The ideal marriage is a way of life in which a husband and wife compromise to face the time and space together for the security of their own life and their children. Marriage is the institution which cannot get boring, because it is a continuous hassle against time and space. How can a thing become boring when you have to exert every minute of your life keeping it going?

The institution of marriage can be anything in ritual. But in reality, it is the honest, living word of two individuals. And it must be lived unto God, unto the last breath, through time and space, come what may. If this is missing, everything is a sexual, physical, emotional relationship for temporary convenience. It is a mental prostitution. So don’t misunderstand the institution of marriage, its cause and effects.


Marriage is to lose yourself into one another. It is a process of amalgamation. If you put copper and zinc together, you’ll end up with a new alloy – brass. There is neither copper nor zinc. In the institution of marriage, two people become totally intermerged. They loose their basic properties and come out with a common alloy which is socially known as a married couple, with totally different virtues and different allocations of duties in life.

Marriage is an institution. There is nothing wrong with institutions. It’s a well-protected, laid down experienced institution. It’s a creative institution of human consciousness. Marriage is a carriage of united consciousness, united happiness. It’s a yoga. You get married. If you feel separate in one account, you’ll feel separate in every account. Why do our marriages break? Because we feel separated on one account and united on other accounts. That’s not the way this institution is established. Individual consciousness cannot help marriages. Marriage is an institution which depends upon honoring the word. That is why the scriptures say, “Whosoever honors the word of his marriage is honored in the court of the Lord.�

After marriage, you must protect your marriage. Marriages are organic. They have to live and grow. Marriage is an organized, clever, diplomatic hassle. The institution of marriage is a test of the total human caliber. It is the most difficult thing in the world to remain married. Husband and wife can’t be negative at the same time. When one is negative, the other is positive. You can never be still. Either you are on the way up or down. Marriage is a carriage of a united soul. Souls must join. I must understand you. You must understand me. God provides the understanding. Stand under.

When you are not socially or structurally or sexually compatible, mental imbalance is always the background. In such cases, both partners must discuss their mental backgrounds, possibly with the help of an expert, and try and overcome their difficulties. Remember, marriage is not a permanent institution. Marriage can be followed by divorce. It is your intelligence which can stop divorce. Be alert. Second, put your domestic guidelines in your memory and let the vehicle of marriage run on that lane.

You can marry an equivalent caliber. You can’t marry an equivalent body. Marriage is not to body, it is to a caliber. The majority of people suffer in marriage because they marry a body, not the caliber. You must have good caliber and equilibrium to determine what is good 50 years from now.

The secret of a happy marriage – make things happen together.
The Guru says, “Once you give your hand to somebody in the relationship, let your head roll off but not your hand go.” Marriage is a commitment between you and God. Not to husband and wife.

Excerpts from Relax and Rejoice: A Marriage Manual Volume 2. Based on the teachings of Yogi Bhajan. Copyright Yogi Bhajan. For more information on Relax and Rejoice: A Marriage Manual, please contact Ancient Healing Ways at: http://www.a-healing.com/ or phone: (800) 359-2940.